tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post4874774018078596247..comments2024-02-22T06:54:45.079+00:00Comments on Melissa Terras' Blog: On not being Superwoman, or, this is how she does itMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00759369628908140089noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-7539328327590138712013-03-02T16:51:14.210+00:002013-03-02T16:51:14.210+00:00The fact that you do any of this makes you superwo...The fact that you do any of this makes you superwoman. Own it. There are so many who can not and do not handle the responsibility of being a mother and having any job at all. Yes, it is wonderful that you have what at first glance appears to be flexibility, but in reality room service til midnight to accommodate what are no doubt marathon-like work hours and sleeping when you're on the road is just another sign of the genius that it takes to makes you superwoman. A non superwoman, would sleep, order room service and forget about work altogether. It is true, however, that you are not the only one, there are many of us out here, but that does not detract from the fact,...you are superwoman.Chrystanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08905202803085508856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-55956339409277814642012-09-12T20:11:04.991+01:002012-09-12T20:11:04.991+01:00This article is spot on. This article is spot on. Paul Cairneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16251742655255971584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-380424040369737682012-08-22T23:24:57.004+01:002012-08-22T23:24:57.004+01:00This is so completely fabulous that I fail to have...This is so completely fabulous that I fail to have words to tell you how completely fabulous it is. <b>Thank You</b>.The Cobb Mobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11596293445080479689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-6517294554592963562012-08-17T22:56:55.097+01:002012-08-17T22:56:55.097+01:00Apart from some really minor differences (my first...Apart from some really minor differences (my first child is a girl, and my boys are identical; my commute is 15 mins walk which is part of my daily exercise; we used a nanny and preschool rather than childcare; and I'm a self-employed barrister in Sydney, not an academic), this is my life, even down to the pregnancy-related disability (transient regional osteoporosis, in my case).<br /><br />I was amused to see "travel" as one of your positives. I came back from a week of litigation in Canberra - incredibly hard work, 14 hour days - but I was able to sleep, and someone asked me if I had been on holiday because I looked so refreshed!<br /><br />My children are all now at the local school, on the corner of our street, and having them there (as well as the twins being little guys, not toddlers any more) is a huge relief, both organisationally, and financially.janohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01099351920764701480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-67283758119296164592012-08-14T12:33:37.254+01:002012-08-14T12:33:37.254+01:00You are so so right on every point! This article s...You are so so right on every point! This article should be handed to everyone who is pregnant or thinking about it.<br />KHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16345045156096960567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-60432601106120555342012-08-13T16:03:13.049+01:002012-08-13T16:03:13.049+01:00Fantastic, thank you very much indeed for posting ...Fantastic, thank you very much indeed for posting this. I was desperate for this sort of information 3 years ago.<br />Now, 2 children (but no twins!) later, I have a similar story to yours but am instead grateful for a fantastic nanny and cleaner/nanny; in addition to wonderful husband and family.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07139015763842922265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-64625001869389139632012-08-13T14:47:17.067+01:002012-08-13T14:47:17.067+01:00What a great post! I'm going to send it to all...What a great post! I'm going to send it to all my female academic friends. Having the two days at home also makes for greater productivity, in my experience - although clearly one must be available to colleagues needing an immediate response, as it's not fair on them otherwise.<br /><br />I too have been very lucky with a flexible workplace and supportive extended family. I can also say in encouragement that it gets easier as the children get older. My tip as the mother of a teenager is to train the children from a young age to be helpful around the house (indeed their wives will thank you for it one day!).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-1222381849673577462012-08-13T14:34:53.626+01:002012-08-13T14:34:53.626+01:00Great post Melissa. The epitome of work /life bala...Great post Melissa. The epitome of work /life balance! I’ll certainly save this for future reference. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-60484523918036908462012-08-13T14:11:09.592+01:002012-08-13T14:11:09.592+01:00I think the most important statement is that you W...I think the most important statement is that you WORK VERY HARD!!! There is no magic to balance. There is a well-oiled machine and lots of hard work.Bridget Trogdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01492595410295909123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-32097485530332829752012-08-13T11:25:40.781+01:002012-08-13T11:25:40.781+01:00Thanks so much for a great post! Reading your stor...Thanks so much for a great post! Reading your story has made me so much more positive about being able to have kids and the career I'm aiming for. And I loved the bit when you said "there are lots of us around, all doing our best: it can be done without fanfare" YES! Suzie Sheehyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07451186049719518232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-39233552320484391042012-08-10T05:55:01.060+01:002012-08-10T05:55:01.060+01:00I, too, have a boy and then two more boys (identic...I, too, have a boy and then two more boys (identical in my case). And am an academic, but one with a lab. <br /><br />We solved childcare with a nanny. Where I am (USA), it was cheaper to hire a nanny for weekday days than pay childcare for three, even though the oldest was only 9 months from full-time school when I went back to work post-twins. This solves my husband working away from home, since the nanny can do school drop-offs and pick-ups. <br /><br />We too have a cleaner. We'd both rather have time to play with the kids when we are home than cleaning. (And yes, the kids can help us straighten up and clean up messes in the interim.) <br /><br />And no, I am not superwoman either. It gets better and moves on, one day at a time. (Twins will be four in under 2 months, tenure was achieved, life goes on.) <br /><br />Thanks for the post... it's always good to know one isn't alone in this!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-51294068790276789552012-08-09T12:47:10.011+01:002012-08-09T12:47:10.011+01:00Great post! I am a mother of two working in academ...Great post! I am a mother of two working in academia in Sweden. I have all the same strategies as you, with the added bonus of the Swedish benefits for parents. We have 380 days parental leave with 80% salary, and when the kids start daycare we only pay approximately €100/month/child. Makes things so much easier!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-24173406251561184452012-08-09T10:30:21.797+01:002012-08-09T10:30:21.797+01:00Awesome Post! Thanks Melissa for writing this :)
E...Awesome Post! Thanks Melissa for writing this :)<br />Even though am working and still single ;) This post gives me a lot of strength and confidence that I will be able to manage my future life (with work, hubby and kids) equally well.<br /><br />Great Job!Kanikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06064759924825244264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-41557745310004257952012-08-09T08:37:42.890+01:002012-08-09T08:37:42.890+01:00This is an excellent post with a real practical ed...This is an excellent post with a real practical edge. It is one of the best discussions of this important topic I have read. Well done Melissa.Anthony Finkelsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07234578498269328238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-55439468150188840072012-08-08T23:13:28.197+01:002012-08-08T23:13:28.197+01:00Interesting post. I sometimes say 'work/life b...Interesting post. I sometimes say 'work/life balance' as a shorthand way of saying that I need to schedule time to do non-work things. When you are dealing with your children, you are doing that. As I don't have children, there is always the temptation to fill those spare moments with additional work. The problem is then one doesn't do social things, cultural things, and this mysterious thing called relaxation that some people get to feel. I know you probably don't do as much of those as you might like, fair enough. <br /><br />I agree with what you say about work/life balance... it is all my life and I enjoy it all quite a lot. However, that doesn't mean I don't want to set limits on how much work intrudes onto times I've set aside for other things. For example, I _read_ work emails on the weekend. I mentally assign them into one of four categories: Important/Urgent, NotImportant/Urgent, Important/NotUrgent, NotImportant/NotUrgent. I'll answer emails on the weekend but now if I judge them to be in the first category. (Or I *want* to and don't feel they are intruding...which is often the case.) <br /><br />For what it is worth, I've never thought you are a superwoman. This doesn't mean I don't think that you work hard, or that you're really good at what you do, or that it is all amazing. I certainly couldn't do it, which is one reason why I haven't (biology being another reason). I think everyone is capable of what you've accomplished with similar (or different) solutions. But I also don't think less of women who have chosen to take different routes from you (e.g. in not having children), because that is their choice as well. I'm not saying you think this, certainly not, but there are some working mothers who have derogatory views against those making different choices. I also know that you pull your weight flexibly, whereas there are parents who detach from work entirely at 5pm and wouldn't help out in emergencies, etc. In those cases, in many jobs, it is often those that don't have children who are told "Oh, well you can stay late to sort that out, you don't have kids". The assumption that a non-parent's activities are any less important or flexible than a parent's is a frequent form of discrimination. Though usually the discrimination is the other way around (you can't have this promotion because you've had "time off" (no I wouldn't call it that) to have kids. Just pointing out that there are two sides to a coin.<br /><br />Blah, I've babbled too much. See, this counts as 'fun' and 'relaxation' to me.James-Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16003591604826901937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-68696792680423453862012-08-08T22:03:58.569+01:002012-08-08T22:03:58.569+01:00Thank you thank you thank you!!Thank you thank you thank you!!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09889893663440428657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-5865146428169594742012-08-08T21:48:36.635+01:002012-08-08T21:48:36.635+01:00You're still doing remarkably well - well done...You're still doing remarkably well - well done you! My own blog, started when my three boys were little, is called Pseudo Supermum because like you, I can't claim to be supermum. Again, I have a spouse who only worked part-time - definitely helps, though paying the nursery bills was a nightmare! http://pseudosupermum.blogspot.co.uk/ (My boys present their own challenges now, being teens ...)Pseudo Super mumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15085429725992793939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-27284353308662728742012-08-08T14:18:00.274+01:002012-08-08T14:18:00.274+01:00That's an amazing post, Melissa! Thanks for sh...That's an amazing post, Melissa! Thanks for sharing. I agree with a lot of the points, and I don't like to be called superwoman either, it makes your achievements feel unreal.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-52483903255006267192012-08-08T14:14:31.912+01:002012-08-08T14:14:31.912+01:00Well done. I definitely found things easier workin...Well done. I definitely found things easier working for a university when my son was smaller; now in the corporate world, I'm lucky to have some flexibility, but I have nothing like quite like it and the good health coverage I had there - huge out of pocket expenses are the norm now (and having lived in the UK, I really, really miss the NHS).<br /><br />The thing that drives me crazy now is working for a European company and seeing my colleagues there get real, paid leave for up to a year; here in the US, we have at most 12 weeks of unpaid leave, and that's only at a large company like this one. Factor in the enormous fees you pay for infant childcare (if it's available where you live) and it is almost like saying goodbye to several years of salary, but it's a worthwhile investment, to be sure.<br /><br />Perfectionism is definitely not the way forward for me, either, but it's certainly nice when your employer and the system at large are supportive.Lisa Grimm (@lisagrimm)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17090177177470510679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-962447465856397284.post-90885211674999728942012-08-08T12:17:42.171+01:002012-08-08T12:17:42.171+01:00Thanks for writing this! I just have two under thr...Thanks for writing this! I just have two under three and am planning s return to work in September. Lots of useful tips, plus several I recognise from when I went back to work after child number one. I agree on the superwoman term, say that when we've all thrived even with all the juggling! Also, houses stay much cleaner when they're mostly played in at the weekends...Niamhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17860783347121152391noreply@blogger.com